don't think anyone in nyc will know my blog so i guess i am free to express my feelings here. today i was emotionally drained. my heart had been beating super quickly for the whole day because i feel so angry because of this groupmate of mine for some project that we two were supposed to work on together. i say supposed because she never really did anything, other than the first draft for ppt which she used outdated info and i had to in the end redo the whole ppt by myself PLUS all the research i did PLUS a written report. so essentially the project was done by me like 85% of it. my grp mate was uncontactable throughout the whole weekend - she didn't reply to any of my emails and text msgs and she only replied me this morning how she has been busy and can only see my emails and all the work i have done at 4:30pm when we meet up to rehearse the presentation. yup and our presentation was at 6:20pm. throughout the whole 2 hours or so, i kept telling myself to remain calm despite my boiling anger and kept praying to God to give me peace and strength and teach me how to love this enemy of mine who was so mean to me. she basically black-faced me the whole time, took out at me because she said she was angry that i edited the powerpoint slides without telling her, treated me like her assistant/slave and asking me to scroll down the written report so that she could read it for the first time what i have done and what i have sent her since friday. the whole time she just acted like a diva and threw so much unnecessary sarcastic remarks at me and snapped at me and raised her voice at me. at one point i lost a little control of my emotions and i raised my voice tiny bit because she was saying such mean things and i was just trying to justify that i edited the ppt cos she didnt freaking reply any of my emails, and not willing to compromise on the quality of the presentation tonight, i took the liberty to beautify it. what's wrong with that? and she barked at me saying that i have no right to raise my voice at her cos she did nothing to deserve that?! then in the end, i tried to maintain peace and laugh at some point to soothe the whole situation, and she snapped and said "what is so funny that you are laughing about? can't you see that i am reading the report for the first time cos you didnt show it to me? i don't see anything funny about that." seriously she was reading for the first time cos she didnt read the emails at all throughout the weekend. i did NOTHING to receive such horrible mean sarcastic things that she said to me. there were many other but i shld censor them. the whole point of this is:

GOD, TEACH ME HOW TO LOVE OUR ENEMIES. COS IT JUST SEEMED SO HARD. WHY DO I HAVE TO WORK WITH SUCH MEAN PEOPLE WHEN ALL I DID WAS MERELY FOR OUR OWN GOOD COS I DIDN'T WANT TO COMPROMISE ON THE QUALITY OF THE WORK JUST COS SHE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. HOW COME SUCH PEOPLE CAN JUST ACT AS IF THEY ARE THE BIGGEST AND NOT TO BE OFFENDED WHEN THEY ARE ACTUALLY THE MEANEST OF ALL. DEAR GOD, HOW DO I LOVE THEM? TEACH ME. 

i cried so badly after class. glad my prof understood and said my presentation was good. guess my actions speak louder than word. but i am seriously drained. and disappointed how a potential budding friendship has to be disrupted because of this. okay i am just blah-ing out all my emotions. now i am going to get on with life and study for midterms tmr. good night, world.

I haven't been blogging in the longest while. I'm settling in fine in my dream city to be in; New York City. Classes have started and despite challenging, looking at the number of papers I have to write in the coming days and the projects that we have to be working on (in fact, I am supposed to be working on one right now. Already?? Yeah I know right..), I love what I am studying. Finally I feel the joy of going to classes and not feeling tired even though my classes are all in the evening (620 to 9pm!!). I have already borrowed many books on tourism and I am intending to read them. So thank God for bringing me here, to this city I yearn to be in after London :)

Definitely, NYC is not all glam and glitters. I have already met the worst of certain people (and wonder how much more patience and politeness am I expected to give to them). The weather has been awful this week; it keeps raining and it DOESN'T stop. Somehow just like another London, or worse. Expecting my rainboots to arrive tomorrow. Please come soon cos I only brought 3 pairs of shoes to NYC this time; a pair of sandals, a pair of loafers and a pair of slippers. HAHA how pathetic and desperate I am now for the rainboots!!!! 

But, I have also seen and met great people and potential budding friendships in class. Still hopping around for a church to settle in while wondering what clubs and societies to join. I love that Max and I are finally in the same city :) But he is all the way uptown, Viola is all the way up in New Haven, and Cherie is in Midtown. So.. I feel a little lonely sometimes. But I shall not mope in my sadness. On the other hand, I thank God for opportunities to share God's word to my love ones. 

Let this year be a fulfilling one. Peace.

Have been back home since 3 weeks ago, but I have been taking my time to pick up my pace back in Singapore. The chilling and basically doing nothing at home, the idea and comfort of good rest; I need it before venturing into another year of adventure in the new land. Thanking God for these while and soaking in God's blessings. I am happy.

Checked out a few photography exhibitions with my Dad today. Abbas at the National Museum of Singapore and Requiem at Bencoolen St. Mostly on black & white and war photography. The photographers risked their lives to create the beauty in the pictures that, contradictorily, reflect the cruelty of life.

This quote from the exhibition summarised it all:
"Yet all of these photojournalists of Indochina prevailed in the end. In a war, in which so many died for illusions, and foolish causes, and mad dreams -- these men and women of the camera conquered death through their immortal photographs."

Respect.

I was pondering about something that Viola told me about yesterday about she did her daily devotion. She was reading in the Old Testament about God providing the Israelites with manna from heaven. They were told only to take what was required for a one supply and they had to trust that God would send more the next day. So.. the manna actually served as salvation for the Israelites' physical needs on a daily basis.

However, God knew of a greater need for the salvation of man's soul so He graciously sent His Son, beloved Jesus Christ to this earth for us. Jesus -- The Bread of Life; for once anyone has tasted the bread of life, he does not need to ask for it again, because his soul has been saved!

Isn't this true.. Jesus is the Bread of Life. He didn't call himself the seafood of life, nor the icecream of life or something. But he is the BREAD OF LIFE; our staple, our bare necessity, something that will sustain us through our lives and it is just sufficient. But this bread did not come at a cheap price, because Christ had to die on the cross, humiliated and scarred for the sins that He did not commit, but for the love of His people, He died to give us this peace, love, joy and salvation that I cling so strongly to.

Trust in the Lord and trust that He provides. Amen.